Friday, July 16, 2010, 7:31 AM

My story unfolds - it’s time to speak through the silence. 

My whole life - I’ve lived w/constant arguing and bickering from my parents. It lead to the point, where I’d be so scared. I’d hide in my closet and cry. But throughout my whole life, I’d hide this part of me. This part of my life - from people at school & family members. No one knew how much my parents arguments effected me, especially my parents, and my siblings. I always kept it to myself; hoping that it’d all just go away - but it never did. It never will.
The past couple of months, my parents relationship got even worse. To the point where they didn’t even stay in the same room, or lay eyes on eachother. It was fine for me - because I didn’t have to hear them yell and whatnot. But it still hurt to see them this way. Two people that once loved eachother, were complete strangers living in one house.

I came home one day after school w/ my dad and my brother. I got a bowl of cereal and went into my room to check fb/tumblr, you know.. the daily things. A couple minutes later, my mom comes into my room - almost in tears.. asking “Where is your father?”. I was so worried and confused bout why my mom was like this. But I told her where my dad was, and she went off looking for him. I sat there in my chair, wondering what was going on and what was going to happen. 

Soon, I heard yells from the kitchen. My heart stopped. Of course, I’ve heard them yell before, but this was the first time they tlkd to eachother in months. I ran into the kitchen to see what all the fuss was about.. and just as I was walking into the kitchen - my brother walked out the front door, closing it behind him. As I stood in the kitchen, my mom and dad pushed passed me - yelling in Tagalog (Filipino Language). “Why don’t you get a job?” ”Why don’t you help out w/your family? “I’m tired of working three jobs.” “I can’t do this anymore” “Divorce.” - All this was coming from my mom, who was yelling at my dad. Tears began to fall as I sat on the kitchen floor. Why is this happening..again? Why won’t they stop? All these questions filled my head as the tears kept falling. 

I couldn’t stand hearing them yell any longer, so I ran to the backyard and sat near our pond. My parents were in their room at this point. I didn’t want to be there anymore. I didn’t want to hear them yell. Luckily, I had my cell phone in my pocket, so I began to call one of my friends. No answer. Thoughts about running away were in my head, but something told me not to go. So I just sat there, w/tears that overflowed my face - waiting for this to pass by. 

Suddenly - My mom screams out loud. 

I didn’t think much of it - because I knew they were arguing, but then. She screams again - even louder. 

My heart dropped. I ran as fast as I could inside the house. I get to the hallway, where the screaming is coming from - and I drop to the ground. 

A gun. 

He held it up against my mom’s head, threatening to pull the trigger. He yelled ”YOU WANT TO LEAVE ME,RIGHT? THEN HERE. HERE.”

I cried, screamed, yelled, the loudest I could. The hardest I could. “PAPA STOP!!!!!!!!!!!! PAPA STOP!!!!!!!!!! MOMM!!!!!!!!!!!” I yelled for my brother. “JOSEPHHH. WHERE ARE YOU. WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU.” I looked around me, and I realized that he wasn’t there. That I was alone. That I was alone w/ my parents. and a gun.

My mom began to yell at my dad.. “See what you’re doing to your children. See what you did to your daughter. You hurt her. LOOK AT HER.”

My dad looked at me. But he still held the gun to her head. 

I got the strength to get up and run to my mom. I ran in front of her - getting in between her and the gun. “Don’t hurt my mom!!!!!!!!!”, I yelled at my dad. 

My dad finally put the gun in his pocket. Tears were overflowing. My mom held me in her arms as I was crying - and she began yelling at my dad again “Look what you did.” By doing this - it pissed off my dad, he was beginning to reach for his gun again. 

I yelled even louder. Even harder.

He stopped. He tried to grab me out of my mom’s hands and hold me. But we - me and my mom - both pushed away.

We were able to go into my mom’s room and lock the door behind us - leaving my dad in the hallway. My mom tried looking for her keys and purse - telling me that we were going to leave. We were going somewhere - anywhere, but here. 

But my dad kept banging on the door. We were forced to open it, knowing that he had a gun in his possession. 

“Where do you think you are going?” My mom dropped her things. She was in tears. “I love you.” my dad said to me and my mom. 

That wasn’t love. How could he possibly say these words after what he just did? 

“Leave. Get out of my room.” said my mom. I pushed my dad out of the room, who was trying to give me a hug. I didn’t know to see him. I didn’t want him to touch me. I wanted him to leave.

“Mommah.” - I looked at my mom. She held me in her arms “Don’t cry, Anak. Mommah’s strong.” I began crying even louder and harder than I did before. 

My heart broke, as I thought about the one person I loved the most, who was almost taken away from me. 

“Mommah. Please don’t leave me.” I cried to my mom. “Anak. I’m never going to leave you.”

Those words, will always bring tears to my eyes (like right now). 
A few minutes later, my brother walked back through the front door. I started to yell and scream at him. “WHERE WERE YOU. I NEEDED YOU, and YOU WERENT THERE.” I looked at my brother - he had tears in his eyes. 

I suddenly realized - that it hurt him to see my parents like this. It hurt him all along.

….This was nearly 6 months ago. How is my family holding up? My parents haven’t communicated w/eachother since that day. And I’m fine with that. Nothings the same anymore. Nothings right. My relationship w/my father has broken apart. I can’t look at him the same. They say, never hate your parents. But, it’s kinda hard for me not to. 

That day, God was watching. God was protecting me and my mom. Lord, Thank you so much. ♥

Oh, Later that night - my uncle came and got the gun. And we figured out that it had no bullets. But the fact that my father would even think about doing what he was going to do - breaks my heart. That pain will never, go away.

Labels: Sheryl